Saturday, March 13, 2010

My Start of a New Era

I have been a struggling writer since the moment I can remember. Writing is my dream. Its the one class I could pass without struggle. The one pastime in which I knew my true self could be set free. And has been my one dream that has never left me, through all of life's ups and downs. The problem is...what do I do when the writing doesn't come anymore?

Almost five years ago I said "I do" to my true love. I was fresh out of high school, and ready to embark on life's new adventures with him by my side. People thought me insane to be marriedthat young. But to be honest, though I had said the words, I had never fully meant to go to college. In my opinion, college is a waste of money unless you already have your specialized career chosen, such as doctor or teacher or angry politician. I was more happy to begin the greatest adventure of all: starting my family. Then... came on the bills. The rent. The stress of work and of adjusting to sharing every inch of living space with another being. And my writing got very much so placed on the back burner to simmer dry.

Two years after our I Do day, we got the amazing news that a baby was on the way. At that time I was VERY happily working as a co-drama director for the local middle school drama program. If you dont know, I adore drama. I grew up on the stage and now, being a director, I couldn't be happier. I rewrote scenes. Created costumes. And watched as young actors discovered the magic of the glowing stage. Then came baby. And I couldn't have been happier. We decided to move, attempt a new life in what we hoped would be a better place with more opportunities.

Its been two years since then. My little boy is reaching his second birthday, and now my belly is quite large with another little man due here in just a few months. I spend my days chasing and wrestling and saying no. And my nights passing out from sheer exhaustion while trying to catch the lastest episode of House or see who the unlucky person is going home from American Idol. The stresses of bills and the infamous question of "where should we be" never seem to diminish one iota. And I have realized...where have my dreams gone? True, I have my family. An amazing family that I love more than anything. But to just be "mommy" and nothing else...I feel like I have disappeared.

I have come to the conclusion that: I need to write. I have so many ideas. So many stories that rumble in my head yet rarely find place on paper. Finding the time to just sit and write is hard. I feel like I should instead be washing the stack of always waiting dishes, or folding the laundry I washed a week ago. And I will. Eventually. But what is life if you dont even take 30 minutes a day to do one small thing for yourself? I have read that children grow up more happy and secure in who they are if they see their parents content with their lives. And my contentment lies in the creations of worlds.

So here I sit, a bowl of freshly sliced pineapple by my side (courtesy of my amazing husband who understands these pregnancy musts), my new netbook in lap (my first spoil in who knows how long), and my mind newly encouraged to run free.

I hope you enjoy the jaunt with me.


Keary Taylor said...

Oh man, Jenni, I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. I often used to think "where'd Keary go?" I felt like I was just mommy till I started doing the writing just for me. You can do it Jenni! Keep at it. And if it doesn't happen every day like you want, it's ok! Just keep going!